to the world of computer ownership
just bought a shiny new car. It drove off the lot fine, but
late that night, on a dark, lonely road (are we overly melodramatic
here or what?) you break down because the automobile manufacturer
failed to provide you with the basic necessities, like brake
lines. No big deal, you think, you will just call the roadside
assistance that was promised free with your car! So you call,
and you are greeted by someone named "Abraham Lincoln" (Absolutely
no joke, we have talked with him, but funny, he had an Indian
accent!?!). Mr. Lincoln asks you to go to the trunk and get
out a 10 millimeter wrench and to raise the hood. You dutifully
comply, seeing as he is nice and seems friendly, but a little
hard to understand. Then he asks you to remove the EGR valve,
or at least you THINK that's what he said. You ask if you can
get the roadside assistance you got the with car, and he tells
you that this IS the assistance.
The world of computer
"Tech Support" is no different.You
see a shiny new computer on TV for only $399, and you make the
call. The salesman speaks perfect English, is really nice, and
tells you that the $399 system won't really do what you need
it to do, that you need to spend ~$700.00 (at least he's not
lying!). You give your credit card number to the nice man, and
in just a month or two it arrives. You set it up, you notice
the Anti-Virus is a trial version, there is no mention of anti-spyware,
and that there are loads of offers to take your money on the
desktop. In a month or so you find it comes from the factory
with with no anti-virus, no anti-spyware, no support. You were
certainly NOT ready to get on the internet; and when you do,
you find the computer slows to a crawl, you get pop-ups everywhere,
and somehow the computer you just bought for yourself and your
ten year-old daughter is littered with porn site offers.
You call for
tech support, and you get Abraham Lincoln, who tells you to
remove parts from your computer that you aren't sure you would
even understand in English, and as you are reassembling your
new pride and joy, you see the sticker on the case side that
says, "Warranty Void if Opened." Your heart sinks, and gets
even lower when the problem is still there after the nice Mr.
Lincoln's "Fix." Then he tells you to mail it to a foreign country
(Texas) for repair after you fail! You have no choice,
so you take half a day off work the next day to send it. It
costs you forty dollars to send it, but again you have no choice.
You are overjoyed when, only a week later, your computer is
back. You've been jonesing for a good game of ma-johngg and
your daughter is excited to get her homework stuck somewhere
in the "My Documents" folder. You hook it up, start it up, and
reel in horror as you discover all your programs, data, and
setting are GONE. All your finances, your daughter's report,
your E-Mail, all gone. You call, thinking this is a mistake,
and are curtly told that it is the company's policy to destroy
your data when you mail it in. So you go on. In a month the
popups are back, you've spent hundreds on programs to eliminate
the problem, only to find MORE popups, and now your ten year-old
knows more about Bestiality than you do.
to the world of Skunk-A-Rific
You call Skunk-A-Rific.
You ask where in the hell they got that name, and you find out
the company was named after a baby skunk they rescued... awwwww.
Then you tell them your tale of horror, and they tell you that
fixing this is what they do. (They also manufacture computers
that don't have these problems!) They ask you in-depth questions
about what they can and can't do to fix your computer, are able
to back up your data, and finally, present you with a computer
pretty much immune to all the B.S.! They give you class on how
to keep all the crap off the system, give you the software you
need to keep it safe, and show you how to use it. And just to
prove how serious they are, if it DOES happen again (even if
you deliberately mess it up) they will fix it free. Right away.
In a month you
notice it is still faster than when you bought it, you still
get no pop-ups, and you recommend "Skunks" to your boss. They
come out, fix everything, sell the company new computers, and
you get promoted to VIP status. Your boss buys you a yacht and
you take the skunk crew to the Caribbean as a thank you.
Take that first step (right
now!) and call us at (513) 942-9186.
Then mix down those fru-fru